I HATE errors in computer language books!

I've put off learning Perl for far too long. All of my computer books are boxed up, so when I found a book that promised to teach you Perl in a weekend (and was steeply discounted, I'm a sucker for heavily discounted computer books), I picked it up. I looked through the structure of the index first to make sure it covered topics that I'm interested in, I also flipped through it.

So tonight at work I was going through the book, typing in examples and running them, then doing variations on what they're showing. They come to the $ENV function, which lets you retrieve information about your computer environment, such as your path, what your CPU is, etc. A very useful thing for programmers to be able to probe.

But their example didn't work.

I didn't have enough knowledge to intelligently change things to make it work, though I did try. Finally I ran a Yahoo search for "perl env example" (yes, I'm one of the 15 people in the world who doesn't Google). One of the first hits was for Cardiff University and was a complete online course in Perl. I quickly learned that using $ENV uses curly braces ("{}") rather than standard parenthesis as the example in the book showed. The book was also inconsistent in using $ or % in front of the ENV keyword.

Maybe I'll just use the Cardiff Course instead of this silly book. I did go ahead and shot off an email to the publisher to see if they're accepting corrections for an errata or for an updated edition.

YAWC: QuestionableContent.net

http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=691

WARNING -- EXTREME LIBRARY GEEK REFERENCES!

Referenced in the comments of Unshelved recently for the above issue. I went from there to the end of the archive and liked what I saw, so yet another goes on to my list.

Well, they might have broken the telescope again

This time it's the secondary mirror, it threw an error message last night that it's not supposed to throw that could indicate another problem with the epoxy that caused the problems with the tertiary mirror a couple of months ago.

Fortunately, the telescope is going into summer shutdown in three days. Normally the telescope is shut down for a month every summer, this is when they do major maintenance, such as pulling the primary (3.5 meter) mirror out of the telescope and cleaning it. This year they're putting on a new top end -- that's the support structure that holds the secondary mirror assembly on the top of the telescope. The old one had some rigidity issues (do not insert Bob from Enzyte jokes here) and is going to be replaced, they've been doing the design engineering for the new one for over a year.

As much time on the sky that they've lost in the last two months from the monsoons, if they lose another three days due to this it's trivial.

(for those new to my blog, the icon is a photo that I took of the telescope a couple of years ago, the 3.5 meter is housed in the square building on the right. Due to perspective foreshortening, the 1 meter telescope dome on the left (R2D2) appears much larger. The building on the right is probably about five stories tall.)

Judge detains five people over ringing cell phones!

It's good to be the Judge!

http://hosted.ap.org/dynamic/stories/C/COURTROOM_CELL_PHONE

CROWN POINT, Ind. (AP) -- A judge detained and questioned a row of spectators when a cell phone rang for a third time in her courtroom, later ordering two people to serve community service for contempt of court.

When no one admitted having the ringing phones Wednesday, Lake County Criminal Court Judge Diane Boswell told all five people in the row to sit in chairs reserved for jail inmates. They stayed there for more than an hour until the morning court call ended.

Boswell found three people in contempt of court because they initially refused to say who had the ringing phones.

Cynthia Cannon of Gary agreed to pay a $100 fine after admitting that her phone was one of those that went off. The judge ordered her to do community service, but Cannon declined, saying she can't work or sit for long periods of time due to a disability.

Verdell Berry Jr., of Merrillville, said he had two phones. One was off, the other he turned off when Boswell warned the gallery about the phones. The sound of it powering down is what she heard, Berry said.

He admitted he didn't speak up to explain that when Boswell first asked.

Shonique Freeman, of Gary, said she knew it was Berry's phone, but she didn't offer the information, either.

Boswell ordered both Berry and Freeman to serve 40 hours of community service.

"The next time you come to court, don't bring your cell phone," Boswell said. "And when the court asks a question, answer the question."

Crummy Church Signs

A collection of photos and captions of church signs showing their philosophical, doctrinal, grammatical, and just plain stupid errors. It was today's User Friendly link.

http://www.crummychurchsigns.com

One sign that I liked said "Church the way it used to be". The site organizer/commentator added: "You mean hiding in houses, trying to escape persecution from Roman soldiers?" HUGE amount of material on this site!

Jesus Converts to Islam (The Onion)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/29540?issue=4227&special=1999

Christ Converts To Islam

April 7, 1999 | Issue 35•13

JERUSALEM—In a surprise announcement with far-reaching theological implications, Jesus Christ The Nazarene, founder of Christianity and spiritual leader of nearly two billion people, revealed Monday that He has converted to "the one true religion" of Islam.

Christ Converts

Christ (left) consults with his new spiritual advisor, the Righteous Hassan Abdul al-Aziz.

The controversial announcement has sent shockwaves through religious circles around the globe.

"Allah is the name of the One and Only God," Christ said. "Allah has 99 beautiful names: He is known as The Gracious, The Merciful, The Beneficent, The Creator, The All-Knowing, The All-Wise, The Lord Of The Universe, The First, The Last and many more. He has revealed Himself unto Me through the holy words of the blessed Qur'an, and I have put My trust and faith in Him."

As part of His conversion, Christ said He has taken a new name, Isa Ibn Maryam al-Salaam Christ Shabazz.

Christ, 33, is urging Christians worldwide to renounce His former religion of Christianity and join Him in embracing the Muslim way of life.

"People of all nations, in the past, you have heard Me say that whosoever shall believe in Me shall not die, but have eternal life," Christ said. "But now, I say unto you, forget I ever said that. There is only one holy revelation of Allah, the Qur'an, which was dictated to the Prophet Mohammed, Praise Be Unto Him, by the Archangel Jibreel in the seventh century after I died."

According to Christ, the beauty and perfection of the Qur'an's Surahs are without equal in all creation, encompassing and surpassing both the Judaic Torah and the New Testament Gospels of His apostles. The former Christian messiah went on to cite Surah Aal'imraan 3:67, which reads, "This day I have perfected your religion for you, completed My favor upon you, and have chosen for you Islam as your religion."

"What could be more clear?" Christ said.

"I was wrong, and I know that now," He added. "I deeply regret any problems or confusion I may have caused."

The controversial retraction of two millennia of Christian doctrine has provoked strongly divided reaction. Millions of devout Christians, insisting that obeisance to Christ's commands is the cornerstone of their faith, have heeded His instructions and converted to Islam. Millions more, however, have decried the recalcitrant Christ's apostasy, breaking ties with Him and calling His conversion "a heathen act" of "utmost blasphemy before Himself."

"Jesus, or Isa Shabazz, or whatever He's calling Himself these days, is the way, the truth and the light. It says so in the Bible," said devout Catholic Kathleen Langan of Cork, Ireland, kneeling toward Mecca for the first time. "My loyalty to Him is absolute. If He told me to be a Buddhist, I'd do it. All praise and thanks to Allah."

Christ Converts jump

Christ (uppermost left) joins fellow Muslims in prayer.

Ruth-Anne Girolamo, a Sunday school teacher in Stillwater, OK, disagreed. "I've been a Bible-believing Christian all my life, and nothing, not even a direct order from Christ Himself, is going to change that," Girolamo said. "If Christ is going to leave the fold and become a sinner, we'll just have to go on worshipping Him against His will."

The Roman Catholic Church is just as divided: Approximately half the members of the Vatican's College of Cardinals have advocated embracing Islamic law, while the other half is calling for Christ's immediate excommunication and recommending the interim worship of Pope John Paul II until a suitable replacement deity can be found.

In perhaps the oddest development, the Jews For Jesus organization announced Monday that it has split into three separate groups: Jews Still For Jesus, Jews For Allah, and Jews For Just Being Jews Again.

Christ said He arrived at the decision to convert after centuries of deep soul-searching and contemplation. But it was not until last week's Good Friday holiday, He said, that His true spiritual path became clear.

"I was in church, watching all these people hold a candlelight vigil on the day of My crucifixion, when I suddenly felt a profound sense of emptiness," Christ said. "I got up and walked out, and just sort of wandered aimlessly for a while, wondering what it all meant. Then, I saw something I'd never noticed before. At the mosque down the street, supplicants were gathering to celebrate their weekly holy day of worship, which, by sheer coincidence, happens to be Friday."

"I walked in nervously, unsure of why I was even there. After all, during the Crusades, My followers had slaughtered thousands of these people in My name, and I thought maybe they wouldn't accept Me," Christ said. "But as I listened to the Imam deliver the weekly sermon, or khutba, I felt the power of Allah in My heart. For the first time, I knew I'd found true inner peace."

"I now know it wasn't random chance that brought Me to that mosque," Christ continued. "It was the will of Allah."

When asked about His future plans, Christ said His next move will be to undertake the Hajj, the holy pilgrimage to Mecca all Muslims are required to make at least once in a lifetime. After that, Christ said He hopes to take a few months off to rest and meditate before starting the next phase of His ministry: traveling to churches around the world and imploring the Christian faithful to stop believing in Him.

"My new spiritual advisor, the Righteous Hassan Abdul al-Aziz, has explained to Me that I am not—nor was I ever—actually the Son of God, but merely one of many Prophets of the divine revelation which was to come after Me," Christ said. "After all, there is only one God, so any belief in a triune god, or 'trinity,' is polytheistic and contradicts the word of Allah Himself."

"For it is written, in Surah Al-Maa'idah 5:116, 'And behold, Allah will say—O Jesus Son of Mary, did you say to men, worship me and my mother as gods beside Allah? He will reply—Glory to you, I could never say what I had no right [to say].'" Christ said. "You see? It turns out, worshipping Me isn't the key to the Gates of Heaven, after all. Salvation can only be found in the Five Pillars of Shahada, Salat, Saum, Zakat and Hajj. I can't believe how obvious it all seems to Me now."

Neither the Father nor the Holy Ghost could be reached for comment.

Luftwaffle chain offers waffles, overwhelming air superiority (The Onion)

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/39674?issue=4228&special=2005

German Luftwaffle Chain Offers Waffles, Overwhelming Air Superiority

August 24, 2005 | Issue 41•34

MUNICH—An elite force of three dozen 24-hour Luftwaffle restaurants were unveiled across Germany Monday, with free waffles for blond-haired, blue-eyed customers, discounts on Cheese SwasSticks, and the incendiary bombardment of Luftwaffle's largest competitor, the city of London. "Soon, customers will fall under the sway of my lightning-quick, piping-hot Blintzkreig," said Hans Kreuzen, Luftwaffle's founder and oberstmanager-general. "All will know the sweet, buttery taste of fear and waffles from above." Luftwaffle restaurants are expected to face ruthless competition in Germany's already crowded martial-themed eatery business, which is led by such established chains as WehrKnochwurst and Der Marzipanzerkommand.

(I've been working through old email messages...)