Always strive to learn something useful. --Sophocles

(Satire from The God Podcast) This was just too funny not to share.

In a disturbing turn of events, former President Donald Trump has reportedly decided to hang Ohio Senator J.D. Vance. Sources inside Mar-a-Lago claim that Trump, in a fit of medieval inspiration, announced that he would host a "public hanging" to make an example out of Vance.

The shocking decision stems from Trump's realization that Vance, whom he just made his VP running mate last week, was a bad choice. With Trump no longer running against Joe Biden but against Kamala Harris, he believes Vance is too much of a "loser" and needs to be replaced with someone more suitable for the new political landscape.

"Trump was very clear," said an anonymous insider. "He said, 'I want to show everyone what happens when you cross me, and I need someone who isn't a total uggo weirdo to stand beside me.' It was like something out of Game of Thrones."

Adding to the chaos, it has come to light that Trump was completely unaware that Vance's wife is Indian, which is costing him with his base.

J.D. Vance, for his part, is reportedly under heavy security and has been advised to avoid all public appearances until further notice. "He's shaken, understandably," said a close aide. "No one expects to be threatened with hanging in modern American politics, especially by a former president."

Meanwhile, reactions from within the Republican party are overwhelmingly supportive. "It's just Trump being Trump," one senator remarked with a nervous laugh. "He probably means it metaphorically. Probably." The GOP members appear thrilled with Trump's decisive action, seeing it as a demonstration of his unwavering leadership. "We trust Trump to make the best decisions for the party," said another Republican representative. "His vision for America is what we need, and we'll follow wherever he leads."

Trump is reportedly already considering options to replace Vance, including musician Kid Rock, wrestling icon Hulk Hogan, and reality TV star Dog the Bounty Hunter. "Trump wants someone who has star power and can rally the base," the insider added.

Trump is reportedly planning the details of his "event." Sources suggest he’s considering a medieval-themed rally complete with gallows and a cheering crowd. "He wants to make a spectacle out of it," the insider added. "It’s all about the show."

You need one of these. Trust me.



Available at your nearest Rockwell dealer soon.

If you're a glutton or gluten-free for punishment, the transcript of what this guy says is under the cut.
( Read more... )

Author Jim Hines posted this yesterday, it's a Twitter thread that is amazingly funny.

https://twitter.com/AlexArrelia/status/1260280698390425605

A teen boy is going around a posh neighborhood, trying to earn some cash. Goes up to one house and rings the bell. The man of the house answers. Kid says "Mister, I'm trying to earn some money this summer, I'll do pretty much anything for $50." The man thinks for a minute then says "How about you paint the porch?" Kid immediately says "Sure!" The man goes out to the garage and gets the paint, brushes, dropcloth, ladder, etc. Goes back in the house and tells his wife. His wife is a little upset with her husband, says "Did you tell him the porch wraps around to the back?" Husband replies, "Kid didn't ask. It'll be a life lesson for him."

A couple of hours later, doorbell rings. The kid is there. "Done. Got some paint left over, and I even gave it two coats." The man is dumbstruck. How could the teen have done it so quickly?!

"And by the way, it wasn't a porch, it was a BMW."

* * * * *
A man is sitting in the bar after work at the end of a long week, nursing a martini. An amazing looking woman sways across the bar towards him, clearly a professional. Dressed to the nines, a definite eleven. She never loses eye contact. She sits on the stool next to him, slowly crosses her legs for maximum effect, and says "For two hundred dollars, I'll do anything you want. But you have to say it in three words."

He ponders for a moment, then reaches into his wallet and pulls out two crisp new one hundred dollar bills, and says "Paint. My. House."

I really enjoy Good Tickle Brain.

https://goodticklebrain.com/home/2020/3/24/verona-crisis

Brilliant dubbing!



EDIT: Forgot to thank motodraconis for posting it in the first place! [/facepalm]

I don't know how to embed a Twitter video directly, so you have to click on the link. You don't need a Twitter account to view it.

It's quite brilliant, and takes place after Duncan's "accident".

https://twitter.com/anticapitalizm/status/1239300682882134017

This is one fashion in which I've corrupted my wife: I can say something that others would consider a nonsequitur or just complete nonsense, just really weird stuff, and she'll recognize the thread, pick it up and run with it.

Last night I'm playing Lord of the Rings Online and I notice in the world chat someone says
What's Aragorn got to do with it?

I have no idea what the context of the message is, but I immediately reply
What's Aragorn but a second-hand emotion?

And shortly after appears
Who needs an Aragorn when an Aragorn can be broken!

And I cheered! Someone with a compatible insanity who could riff on a 35 year old Tina Turner track!

Including a couple that I didn't get.

http://thoughtcatalog.com/2013/50-people-on-the-most-intellectual-joke-i-know/

Memories that I think I'd rather do without. :-)

http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2007/11/24-pilot-from-1.html