A couple of jokes

[thewayne]

God calls George Bush at the White House one night. "George, I've decided to make the United States a Christian nation."

"That's terrific, God! We'll have a national holiday today, we'll be able to strike down that Row Versus Wade thing, and we'll have no problems getting the Pledge of Allegiance thing through the Supreme Court and we'll...."

"Hold on a minute, George," says God. "First you ought to know that I'm calling from Salt Lake City."


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This joke is easily re-tooled, substitute any bank that you don’t like.

A woman walks into a branch of Bank One and asks to see the CEO. The greeter explains that the CEO isn’t at this branch and asks if he can help her. When woman says no, she’s quite insistent that she sees the CEO. Finally she gets bumped to the branch manager who explains that it is an extremely rare occasion for the CEO to visit a branch. The woman keeps insisting that she wants to see the CEO. Finally the branch manager gives in and calls the corporate office. He gets put through to the CEO and explains the situation. The CEO thinks it over for a minute and decides that it would be a really good customer relations move to fly out there and meet the woman, so he tells the manager that he’ll be at the branch at 10am the following morning.

10am comes, the woman drives up, the CEO greets her. “Hello, madam. I am the CEO. What can I do for you?” She replies, “I’d like to open an account and make a deposit.” The CEO takes it all in stride, “How much would you like to deposit?” “Five hundred thousand dollars.” The CEO is actually taken aback. “May I ask how you got that amount of money?” She says, “Certainly. I got it from gambling. From betting, to be specific. In fact, I’ll bet you five thousand dollars, right now, that your nose is square. Actually, let’s make it interesting. I’ll bet you twenty-five thousand dollars that your nose is square.”

The CEO thinks about this for a minute. “OK, I’ll take the bet.” The woman responds “OK, I’ll bring a lawyer by at this time tomorrow and we’ll verify the bet in front of him and resolve it.” And she leaves.

The next morning at 10am the CEO is standing outside the bank. A taxi pulls up and the woman and a lawyer get out. They go into the branch manager’s office for some privacy. The woman starts “I bet this gentleman here, the CEO of Bank One, twenty-five thousand dollars that his nose is square.” The manager continues “Yes, we have a bet for twenty-five thousand dollars for her to prove my nose is square.” The lawyer says “OK, go.”

The woman approaches the CEO and asks “May I?”, motioning towards his nose. The CEO removes his glasses and says “Go ahead.” The woman reaches up and pinches the CEO’s nose between her thumb and index finger and says “OK, I’ve lost the bet, your nose isn’t square”, whereupon the attorney starts banging his head into the bank manager’s desk.

“What’s wrong with him?”, the CEO asks. The woman replies “I bet him $100,000 that by 11am this morning I could squeeze the nose of the Bank One CEO.”

Comments

And a holiday joke

[magic-rat.livejournal.com]

A married couple was walking along a street in Moscow when the husband feels a drop of water on his nose. He remarked, "It's beginning to rain."

"No," said his wife, "it's snowing."

"It felt more like rain," he said.

"It's snowing," she argued.

Spying an official from the Communist Party walking towards them, then man said, "Well, let's get the official word about this. Excuse me, Comrade Rudoph, but could you tell us if it is raining or snowing?"

"It's definitely raining," said Rudolph, who then continued walking down the street.

Unperturbed by this, the wife said, "I still say that it's snowing."

To which the husband replied, "Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear."