Dec. 19th, 2004

thewayne: (Default)
God calls George Bush at the White House one night. "George, I've decided to make the United States a Christian nation."

"That's terrific, God! We'll have a national holiday today, we'll be able to strike down that Row Versus Wade thing, and we'll have no problems getting the Pledge of Allegiance thing through the Supreme Court and we'll...."

"Hold on a minute, George," says God. "First you ought to know that I'm calling from Salt Lake City."


-------------------------------------------



This joke is easily re-tooled, substitute any bank that you don’t like.

A woman walks into a branch of Bank One and asks to see the CEO. The greeter explains that the CEO isn’t at this branch and asks if he can help her. When woman says no, she’s quite insistent that she sees the CEO. Finally she gets bumped to the branch manager who explains that it is an extremely rare occasion for the CEO to visit a branch. The woman keeps insisting that she wants to see the CEO. Finally the branch manager gives in and calls the corporate office. He gets put through to the CEO and explains the situation. The CEO thinks it over for a minute and decides that it would be a really good customer relations move to fly out there and meet the woman, so he tells the manager that he’ll be at the branch at 10am the following morning.

10am comes, the woman drives up, the CEO greets her. “Hello, madam. I am the CEO. What can I do for you?” She replies, “I’d like to open an account and make a deposit.” The CEO takes it all in stride, “How much would you like to deposit?” “Five hundred thousand dollars.” The CEO is actually taken aback. “May I ask how you got that amount of money?” She says, “Certainly. I got it from gambling. From betting, to be specific. In fact, I’ll bet you five thousand dollars, right now, that your nose is square. Actually, let’s make it interesting. I’ll bet you twenty-five thousand dollars that your nose is square.”

The CEO thinks about this for a minute. “OK, I’ll take the bet.” The woman responds “OK, I’ll bring a lawyer by at this time tomorrow and we’ll verify the bet in front of him and resolve it.” And she leaves.

The next morning at 10am the CEO is standing outside the bank. A taxi pulls up and the woman and a lawyer get out. They go into the branch manager’s office for some privacy. The woman starts “I bet this gentleman here, the CEO of Bank One, twenty-five thousand dollars that his nose is square.” The manager continues “Yes, we have a bet for twenty-five thousand dollars for her to prove my nose is square.” The lawyer says “OK, go.”

The woman approaches the CEO and asks “May I?”, motioning towards his nose. The CEO removes his glasses and says “Go ahead.” The woman reaches up and pinches the CEO’s nose between her thumb and index finger and says “OK, I’ve lost the bet, your nose isn’t square”, whereupon the attorney starts banging his head into the bank manager’s desk.

“What’s wrong with him?”, the CEO asks. The woman replies “I bet him $100,000 that by 11am this morning I could squeeze the nose of the Bank One CEO.”
thewayne: (Default)
I can cope with these results. This from CardiGirl:

You scored as Neutral Good. A Neutral Good person tries to do the 'goodest' thing possible. These people are willing to work with the law to accomplish their goal, but if the law is corrupt they are just as willing to tear it down. To these people, doing what's right is the most important thing, regardless of rules, customs, or laws.

</td>

Neutral Good

80%

Lawful Good

75%

True Neutral

65%

Chaotic Good

50%

Lawful Neutral

35%

Chaotic Neutral

30%

Chaotic Evil

20%

Neutral Evil

20%

Lawful Evil

15%

What is your Alignment?
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