"I would rather have anybody else be the president of the United States. Anyone. I would rather pick somebody from the phone book."
—Craig Mazin, Ted Cruz's freshman roommate at Princeton
"Here's the simple and undeniable fact: The overwhelming majority of violent criminals are Democrats. The media doesn't report that."
– Ted Cruz
"We're fighting a very politically correct war...With the terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself... You have to take out their families."
– Donald Trump
and unrelated, but brilliant nonetheless:
"If you want to know if somebody is Christian, just ask them to complete this sentence: 'Jesus said, I was hungry, you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you...' And if they don't say 'welcomed me in,' they are either a terrorist, or they are running for president."
– Stephen Colbert
—Craig Mazin, Ted Cruz's freshman roommate at Princeton
"Here's the simple and undeniable fact: The overwhelming majority of violent criminals are Democrats. The media doesn't report that."
– Ted Cruz
"We're fighting a very politically correct war...With the terrorists, you have to take out their families. They care about their lives. Don't kid yourself... You have to take out their families."
– Donald Trump
and unrelated, but brilliant nonetheless:
"If you want to know if somebody is Christian, just ask them to complete this sentence: 'Jesus said, I was hungry, you gave me something to eat; I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink; I was a stranger and you...' And if they don't say 'welcomed me in,' they are either a terrorist, or they are running for president."
– Stephen Colbert