Ferengi versions of Klingon fairy tales
Aug. 24th, 2005 09:18 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
thewayneOne of Apostate's friends posted something like 'what would the horror be of Ferengi versions?' Well, as I frequently say, a mind is a terrible thing. I wrote these up last night. Apostate suggested I post it as a top level so it wasn't just a reply, as he has, so here it is....
Ferengi Fairy Tale Titles
“The Three Bears sue Goldilocks into debtor’s prison for breaking and entering, unrecompensed consumption of food stuffs, destruction of furniture, and unlicensed sleeping.”
“Snow White’s Guide to Subverting The Dominant Paradigm and Taking Over Dwarvish Habitats.” Chapter 3: Enslaving the Little Buggers. Chapter 4: Training Your New Slaves for Household Duties.
"There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, she sold all of her children into medical experimentation and moved into a nice duplex on DS9.”
“The Three Little Pigs lose their property titles and life when the Big Bad Wolf says ‘To hell with brick’ and hires a group of Klingon mercenaries to deal with them.”
“Jack and Jill are living comfortably on the injury compensation proceeds from the poorly maintained path to the well.”
“Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone. When she got there the cupboard was bare so the dog was sold to a friend, and following the Rules of Acquisition Mother Hubbard cheated the friend, got the dog back, kept the money, and was able to feed both herself and her dog for many weeks with the proceeds.”
"Mary Had a Little Lamb. Expertly prepared for 27 bars of gold-pressed latinum."
”The Wolf develops serious digestive difficulties due to the inedible nature of the grandmother and sues Little Red Riding Hood and other heirs to Grandma’s estate.”
”Hansel and Gretel open a real estate office specializing in forest locations. The smell of charred human flesh soon clears.”
“The Tortoise hires female hare distractions to ensure his contracts are filed before the registrar closes, ensuring the Hare’s financial ruin.”
Ferengi Fairy Tale Titles
“The Three Bears sue Goldilocks into debtor’s prison for breaking and entering, unrecompensed consumption of food stuffs, destruction of furniture, and unlicensed sleeping.”
“Snow White’s Guide to Subverting The Dominant Paradigm and Taking Over Dwarvish Habitats.” Chapter 3: Enslaving the Little Buggers. Chapter 4: Training Your New Slaves for Household Duties.
"There Was an Old Woman Who Lived in a Shoe, she sold all of her children into medical experimentation and moved into a nice duplex on DS9.”
“The Three Little Pigs lose their property titles and life when the Big Bad Wolf says ‘To hell with brick’ and hires a group of Klingon mercenaries to deal with them.”
“Jack and Jill are living comfortably on the injury compensation proceeds from the poorly maintained path to the well.”
“Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone. When she got there the cupboard was bare so the dog was sold to a friend, and following the Rules of Acquisition Mother Hubbard cheated the friend, got the dog back, kept the money, and was able to feed both herself and her dog for many weeks with the proceeds.”
"Mary Had a Little Lamb. Expertly prepared for 27 bars of gold-pressed latinum."
”The Wolf develops serious digestive difficulties due to the inedible nature of the grandmother and sues Little Red Riding Hood and other heirs to Grandma’s estate.”
”Hansel and Gretel open a real estate office specializing in forest locations. The smell of charred human flesh soon clears.”
“The Tortoise hires female hare distractions to ensure his contracts are filed before the registrar closes, ensuring the Hare’s financial ruin.”
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no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 03:56 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 05:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2005-08-25 05:38 am (UTC)hmmm... maybe i should pick up some DS9 dvds while in "civilisation"? :)