Tornado warning!

[thewayne]

Today someone sent out a tornado warning to everyone who works for the City.

THE SAFEST PLACE TO BE DURING A TORNADO IS IN A BASEMENT. GET UNDER A
WORKBENCH OR OTHER PIECE OF STURDY FURNITURE. IF NO BASEMENT IS
AVAILABLE...SEEK SHELTER ON THE LOWEST FLOOR OF THE BUILDING IN AN
INTERIOR HALLWAY OR ROOM SUCH AS A CLOSET. USE BLANKETS OR PILLOWS TO
COVER YOUR BODY AND ALWAYS STAY AWAY FROM WINDOWS.

IF IN MOBILE HOMES OR VEHICLES...EVACUATE THEM AND GET INSIDE A
SUBSTANTIAL SHELTER. IF NO SHELTER IS AVAILABLE...LIE FLAT IN THE
NEAREST DITCH OR OTHER LOW SPOT AND COVER YOUR HEAD WITH YOUR HANDS.

OK. Basement is good, I once again work in the basement. I can theoretically crawl under my desk. The entire wall behind me is glass, but there's cork covering a lot of it and a big book case, so I should be relatively safe.

But what's this crap about lying in ditches? WTF? As I recall, tornadoes are frequently accompanied by voluminous quantities of water. We have an amusing little feature here in the southwest: flash floods. I can just picture someone lying in a ditch to avoid a potential tornado and getting killed by a flash flood!

Comments

[personaminor.livejournal.com]

See the thing is that if you're in the a ditch, you have to lie flat in the ditch. If the flood comes...

...duck and cover, baby. It's all about some ducking and some covering. The flood will roll harmlessly over you.

[apostate-96.livejournal.com]

Two problems with that. One, there's no air under a flood, and they don't tend to be over all that quick. Two, they tend to be dragging enough heavy shit in them that'll batter the living Hell out of you and drag you along, too. Remember when we were kids and I fell in the runoff on Elm street back in El Paso? If Dad hadn't pulled me out, I'd have been screwed, 'cause I couldn't get up or out and there's no way I could've breathed in that.

[personaminor.livejournal.com]

Ah, but you're forgetting the whole basis of 1950's survival. You can duck and cover away from anything:

Atomic bomb?
No biggie.

Volcano?
Easy as pie.

Earthquake?
Just relax and take it easy.

Ragnarock?
nYARLATHOTEP's got a thousand nothin' on duck and cover.

Domestic dispute?
You got a kitchen table? Take some cover and let the good times roll.

[apostate-96.livejournal.com]

Too bad Boromir never learned that.

Or Obi-Wan, for that matter....

Domestic dispute?
You got a kitchen table? Take some cover and let the good times roll.

The only thing they never mentioned with that is having to pray like Hell she doesn't grab the cast-iron frying pan. Those fuckers have the mass and density to be armor-piercing to a battleship! The one consolation to it is that if it hits you through the table, you'll probably never know what happened. On the other hand, appearing to St. Peter with a handle protruding from just above your nose might be a tad on the embarrassing side.